This place continues to provide the highest of highs and lowest of lows. It's quite a roller coaster. I find myself in beautiful moments and then in huge despair. But through it all the Lord is with me and its quite a journey.
Right now I am filled with so much joy. Earlier today, I cried. Such is the life. The tension in the house at times is quite overwhelming, and there is often an overlaying sense of negativity. It is draining and really affects me at times, with so much complaining and people upset and angry. I sadly found myself being pulled into it and having a bad attitude and wanting to just complain. But the Lord graciously revealed to me my selfish heart and is giving me strength to simply trust Him even in the chaos and frustration. He will be faithful in it all. Pray that I will trust the Lord and know that He is working for good even when things seem messed up.
There are several things I am REALLY EXCITED about right now! Well, I have started a Bible study on Tuesday nights going through Ephesians and it has become my favorite time of the week. Last week four girls came and we got to sit and talk about the Word of God and His grace and how He gave us His Holy Spirit as a promise and security of His return and so much more. It is awesome to sit with girls here and see their relationship with the Lord and excitement to know Him more! It encourages my heart more than I can say. Tonight I had four girls again, with about 3 or 4 other who would trickle in and out. We read Paul's prayer to the Ephesian in the first chapter and talking about knowing God and His power displayed in the resurrection and how He has supreme authority. Then we talked about heaven and laughed imagining how we would get there. We shared metaphors and stories and worshipped the Lord as we read the Word and talked about it together!!!! It was absolutely amazing and so humbling to sit with them. I felt so honored just to share in that part of their lives and to hear how they pray each night. It was beautiful to listen to our simplicity as children of God praying at night and just talking to Him like He is our Daddy! I cannot even begin to describe the excitement I felt and how much I enjoyed being with them, laughing, talking, praying. Beautiful moments. Living the dream! :)
Last night I took two girls on a walk at night. The weather has been cool and the night sky was incredible! After we walked for a half hour, we laid down in the middle of the driveway and stared at the sky. It was so beautiful!!! Those are the best moments here...just enjoying being together and being amazed at the wonder and beauty of God.
I have come to really love the girls here. There are some that have found such a special place in my heart. One of them is so hungry to know the Lord, I decided I wanted to take time on my days off to really invest in her as much as I know. We are going to meet each Wednesday and talk about as much as we can so I can challenge her to teach others. True discipleship! I am so pumped and she is such an encouragement to me. I am going to miss the girls here when I leave for sure. I am so grateful for the relationships the Lord has allowed me to develop with them and for the chance to know them. Its awesome now to enjoy being here because it was my dream for so long, and now I see it being fulfilled - to the praise and glory of God alone!
There are times when I hurt so much here for the brokenness I see. I feel it in my own life as well, and I long so desperately for the redemption of Christ in all areas of my life. I see how deceived these girls are into what they think will fulfill them, and sometimes how hardened their hearts are. Other times I see them in so much pain and just want to take it away, but I can't. I've become pretty close to one of the girls here, and last week I held for an hour after beds while she just cried. One of her roommates came out and cried with us. I loved it! Strange maybe, but having the gift of mercy, I felt alive because I knew the Lord was there. And I wish there were more moments like that to just sit and cry with them. Things here are insane crazy busy and so to have time to slow down and feel was great. Mourn with those who mourn, right? I pray that she found some healing and comfort. I realize I can't take her pain away, all I have to offer is Christ the God of all comfort who carried our sorrows and by His wounds we are healed. Its exciting to see what God is doing, though sometimes I get discouraged because I feel like nothing changes. But He promises to be faithful to complete the work He began in us, so I can rest in that!
All that to say, God is good - all the time! Each day here is a struggle, but it makes it worth it. Praise the God who is faithful to work for good in all things and whose grace and love surpass understanding! I miss you all and love you so much! Please update me on your lives and know that I am so grateful for your encouragement, prayers, love and support! Be blessed! :)
