Tuesday, November 17, 2009

the truth will set you free

I graduate from college in 2 1/2 weeks! I am so excited!!! Then I have about a month to just chill, hang out and get ready to move to Kansas City! Crazy...my next blog will be the story of how I came to hear about LeadTime. :)

I am about to send out support letters for the program. And I am finishing up paperwork and getting details about what to bring and whatnot! It is hard to believe that I have only a little over 6 weeks left in Texas!

My internship has been good. I don't think I have fully engaged there as much as I could have. I can be timid sometimes and hold back. I have learned so much though, and I know my experience there is really preparing me for Shelterwood. Last week I heard so many hard stories, and witnessed a physical fight. It was a lot to take in in one day, but I know I am going to experience more stuff like that.

Personally, this has been a tough semester, but I am coming to see what the Lord has been doing through it all. Previously, I wrote about feeling like a freak in my friendships. And the Lord has shed some light on that, and while it has been painful and I didn't want to see the truth for a long time, I am more aware of my sin - and can find healing. Relationships are difficult when you are dealing with people. Everyone is a sinner and so in relationships that comes out. I have struggled with dependency in some of my relationships in the past - which was a very scary thing to come to face. I think immediately I felt so much shame, and was hit with fear that I can't do any relationship right. And considering that I am very relational, that thought scared me, and I felt like a complete failure as a person. However, shame has no place in our lives because Christ died to set us free from that. And He is healing me from that shame, too. His grace is sufficient. And I know I am not alone in this struggle, and by the grace of God, He can use me to encourage others as I seek healing in this. I think it is very freeing to finally admit it and have it exposed  and in the light, because then it no longer has power like it does in the dark when we try to hide our sin. I think sometimes I also don't ask for help enough either. So its two sides of the same coin - trying to find the balance between finding support from others and being okay on my own. We need other people, we need the Lord. And His grace is the only thing that allows good, close relationships to be possible. The Lord is so sweet to us. He is faithful to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I have so much more peace and joy. Hallelujah!

All that to say, I am a mess...a beautiful mess. All glory goes to the sweet Savior who came to set the captives free, bind the brokenhearted, and release the prisoners from darkness! Amen.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so excited for you Lisa! Did you know that Kansas City is only 3 hours from Omaha? We'll have to meet halfway sometime! I've been thinking about you quite a bit recently and can definitely relate to your struggles. I'm happy to see that you continue to seek the Lord no matter what...it's inspiring.