Monday, December 7, 2009

there is a time for everything...

I graduated from college on Saturday! It was surreal the whole time. It was also nice to have less than 40 people in my graduating class. I was very encouraged by friends and family and blessed by their kind words and for being there to celebrate with me afterwards. I can't believe I graduated from college. I don't really feel any different, but its exciting!

I will start Leadtime in 4 weeks. I will pack up my car and drive up to Independence, Missouri right outside of Kansas City and move into my new home for a year. I felt blessed on Saturday to have one of the Bigs in KC send me a message saying that they are praying for me, especially during this time of mixed emotions. And I sure have mixed emotions! I am excited - so excited - to go be a part of something I have wanted to do for 2 years now. I am looking forward to living in intense community and to be able to learn more about Christ daily and live out the gospel. I am excited to be somewhere I can use the gifts God has given me and to pursue things I am passionate about. I feel so encouraged and affirmed by people and the Lord that this is something I will enjoy. People believe I will do great things there, and that support from others is something greater than I understand - it is powerful and moving. To have people believe in you is empowering, and I am so grateful for each of you.

I also have a sense of fear. This fear overwhems me sometimes as I prepare to leave Austin and move to a city where I am not known by anyone really. I know that will change, but right now - I am scared. I have a pretty good understanding of the program and what to expect, but there are a lot of unknowns. I also hate good-byes, the feeling of losing people who I am close to here, not knowing what is going to happen with those relationships. There are a few people who I have walked through so much with, who have been there for me during tough times, whom I have been able to walk through some stuff with them, and I just hope they will continue to walk with me even if I live so far away. And I have hope that they will - it will just be different. And change is always something I struggle with. It is a time where I have always grown closer to the Lord, the one constant in our changing lives, but it is a painful time. I know the Lord desires to deepen my faith and trust in Him, and I need to do that. To place my fears in His hands and simply trust. So many times the Bible commands us to not be afraid or fear, but to place our faith and trust in the Lord, whose love never fails. However, I still have moments where I am nervous or afraid, or I start crying thinking about leaving. But it is good. This is a good process and something the Lord wants me to walk through to refine me. And I think it is something I need to talk about with the people around me and invite them to pray and walk through this time with me. We aren't meant to live life alone. This I know for sure. Sometimes I am afraid of asking people for help though - afraid of rejection, that I will burden them or push them away. But I am starting to find myself asking for help more and overcoming those fears.

I have more free time this next month. It will be a time to rest, hang out with people, pack and get things ready to leave. All mixed in with celebrating my birthday, Christmas, New Year's and all the good holiday stuff. This is always a crazy time of year, and this year, I feel like things are even crazier. So I pray that the Prince of Peace will be the focus of my heart, and that I will rest in His hands of grace. To be still and know that God is in control instead of worrying about what is going to happen. He has great plans and is making things beautiful in His time, and I need to learn how to trust Him. Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. He is holding me, and I need to rest and trust Him. I pray that I will. :)

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven..." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

1 comment:

  1. I like reading your blog Lisa. I'm encouraged by your writings and continual reference to scripture. Fear is funny thing. We all have it; as we deviate as much as possbile to avoid the topic and confrontation that slows us down along life's jouney. You will be fine and safe as you move away sweet Lisa. Happy New Year! I'm praying for you.