Sunday, May 23, 2010

this is where the healing begins

It has been a few weeks since my last update. Sorry for that! It is easy to be consumed by this place. The month of May has seemed to fly by! This Saturday starts my pre-summer break and I will get to go home for a few days and I am so excited!

About 2 weeks ago, we took everyone up to Camp Galilee, a camp about 2 1/2 hours away. We spent time doing work projects, had a campfire, worship, teams where we played crazy games, made up skits, and did team building activities together. It was great to get to build relationships more with some of the kids and to get away from property. It rained a lot during our time there...and several of us came back with poison ivy! And I am pretty allergic to it!!!! I am on meds for it now, so hopefully it will go away soon. Having poison ivy just reminded me of the broken relationship we have with creation because of the fall...yes that is how I think. :) But it makes me excited for God's restoration of all things!

Last weekend I flew home to be in a good friend's wedding. It was such a nice trip and fun to get to celebrate marriage with her and stand beside her at the ceremony. I am excited for how God is going to work in their lives and through their marriage for His glory! Its a fun time to celebrate the incredible love of Christ and His covenant with us. And it seems like so many people are getting married or engaged lately...I feel like I am out of the loop being here though - and not at that place yet. But at the same time, the Lord has been showing me so much in my relationship with Him, how marriage reflects that, and how He wants to change my heart and realize that the greatest source of intimacy and satisfaction is found in Christ and Christ alone. He is the source of love and affection, and He is deepening my roots in His love so I can stand firm in Him - which I am so excited about!!! I have felt so broken here, and I finally feel like He is really beginning to heal me at such a deep level. Hallelujah! I feel a new freedom, a new joy, a new peace. But it is also just the beginning and I know He has much more work to do, but overall - I am pumped!

I have been listening to the new Tenth Avenue North cd a lot lately. Oh my! One of the most healing things I have ever listened to. Music tends to be the language of my heart - songs lyrics are, too. I think that is why I love the psalms so much. But the lyrics on their album are raw, real, and honest. And I love it! Megan, one of the other Bigs with whom I have developed a good friendship with here, picked me up at the airport last Sunday and played a song for me that had my name written all over it. I wept of course, but absolutely loved the truth and felt so encouraged. I bought the cd for myself, and every song has some truth I need to hear. It is sweet sounds to my soul! :)

Sometimes I feel so exhausted here in every way possible. And I feel like I shut down and turn off in a way. Which I hate. I realized that beneath all of this my heart hurts and I am sad. However, I don't always have the opportunity to feel this hurt and pain and let it out. I try to deal with it in my mind, but sometimes I just need to cry and really feel the hurt. If I don't, I start to feel not much of anything and become hardened. There is so much pain and hurt here. But - I have been spurred to pray harder for Christ to make Himself known and pour out His mercy and healing. He can heal. He wants to heal our hearts and set us free from the things that hold us captive. Isaiah 61 is a perfect display of that. I long so desperately for these girls to truly know Christ and to experience the depths of His love, grace, acceptance and healing. I know our healing won't be complete until Christ comes back, but I hope and pray for God to be glorified here. In the mean time, I am praying and seeking for wisdom and discernment on how the Lord wants me to be involved in that. I know He is faithful and He is enough.

All that to say - life here is never the same with each moment. Last week we had another cutting incident. I don't understand why that happens and its heartbreaking to see. She might not be coming back sadly. I was able to visit her yesterday, and I just wanted to cry with her. I just pray she will know how deeply loved she is.

We also had room changes this past weekend as well. Things are always changing, and I miss home a lot, too. I am coming to rest secure in Christ, the only constant in the chaos. He is our only hope, but He is also alive and can do immeasurable more than we could ever ask or imagine! And I am ready to see Him work. He has strengthened my faith and deepened my desire for Him. I love the Lord oh so much! Because He has such great affection for me, it sometimes overwhelms me and I just weep. Oh how He loves!!! I pray that you would know more of Christ's love for you today!!! I love you all and miss you so much. I would love to hear from you and know how I can be praying. I am so grateful for all of your encouragement, prayers and support. I am so blessed by the way the Lord has loved me through y'all. Grace and peace to you all! :)

1 comment:

  1. This post made me smile a lot. I can just hear the joy overflowing out of you, amidst the pain. That CD is by far one of the most honest albums I think I have ever listened to. There is so much truth and transparency in every song and like you it is all ringing true in my life right now. I have developed the new habit of listening to both Tenth Avenue North albums as I fall asleep at that creepy?? Haha. The songs are just such sweet reminders of our brokenness and God's never ceasing love and His rebuilding of our lives through the trials we endure in Him. I just love it!
    May I just say that your thought process regarding the poison ivy is beautiful. I'm one of the few lucky ones who really isn't affected by it so the realization that it's just one more evidence of the fall isn't something I deal with on a regular basis. So it was extremely eye-opening to read that. Thanks for being so Christ-minded, lovely. Love you! Praying for you!!