Wednesday, July 7, 2010

His are the hands i've grown to trust

Trust. Faith. Believe. How I want to trust God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. To believe all that He says about who He is, who I am and what He can and is doing. I am learning to trust.

The Lord is giving me plenty of opportunities to do that here. There are opportunities everyday where I feel challenged and am humbled. And everything changes, which isn't always easy for me. We had a new girl come last week, and then we had one today, one tomorrow and one Friday. That is a lot of new girls who must be attached to a Big at all times. We are also leaving on Monday to go on a house trip to Arkansas to camp for a week. I am excited! We actually can stay in a house and aren't legit camping, but we get to go hiking, swimming, horseback riding and fun stuff like that! Oh camp fire and s'mores! Maybe I will bring a jar and we can catch fireflies, too! Yay for summertime!

I sent out a bunch of update letters the past few weeks. I have been so encouraged by so many people who have sent me texts or messages and shared some truth and just blessed me. Thank you so much! I am constantly encouraged by so many people who tell me they are praying for me or who take time to talk with me or ask how they can pray. You have no idea how much that means to me and renews my heart when I often feel discouraged or worn down. I am reminded that I am not alone and I praise God for it all. It is almost overwhelming at times to think of how many people are praying for me and supporting me. Thank you for joining me on this journey and allowing me to share with you. I am also so blessed by the friendships I have and people who are willing to share their lives with me. Oh heaven - how sweet it will be to all live together with Christ! But for now - I am so ridiculously blessed!

My heart breaks sometimes for the community we have here. I long for so much more for us, more connectedness, unity and love. I struggle sometimes to know if this is from the Lord or if I am missing what God is doing now. I think its a mix of both. I really want to see things from God's perspective - situations, Bigs, Littles, myself. To live out of that is to live in the truest reality. It is hard sometimes to do. It is easy to get caught up in the schedule of things, in the responsibilities. Do this, be here, always being with the Littles. I feel like I lose perspective because I am with people all the time and love the moments I am alone to step back and regain perspective. I want to be able to stay focused on Christ in the busyness of each day, but its challenging. He is faithful!

I also have become more aware of how I allow fear to hold me back from offering my heart to people. Sometimes I like being vulnerable, but sometimes I hate it. It hard to offer myself knowing that it could be rejected. But as I learn to stand firm in who I am in Christ and know my worth and value come from Him alone, He empowers me to love without needing anything in return. He can be my only motivation to truly love, or else I am seeking others for my worth. But the Lord is so patient with me as I learn how to trust Him and stand firm on what is true, to really believe what He says. Oh what a mess we all are...but there's a beauty to it. I am so glad that Christ holds everything together and works for good in all things and makes things beautiful. He invites us to be a part of it, but He does the work in His own mysterious and amazing ways. He is worthy, so worthy.

That is all I really have for now. I pray that your are growing in your faith and trusting Christ. He is so faithful and will give us all we need. Know that you are dearly loved! :)

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