Saturday, September 19, 2009

He has made everything beautiful in its time

I just finished another week of my internship, and I LOVE it. This week was sweet. I learned so much about myself, people, the Lord, drugs, addiction, brokenness, healing, recovery, life. I feel much more comfortable with the people I work with and the kids there. I was blessed to have some sweet conversations with some of the kids and staff. Each day I wake up excited for the day and what God has planned. It is exciting, intense, but so good. Thursday night I began to feel everything hit me, but it was sweet. As I drive home each night, I simply praise the Lord for that day to be alive. I am so much more thankful for each moment. Everything is a gift of grace, and I don't want to take any of it for granted, but to develop a heart of thankfulness to Christ.

I admire the kids I work with. They are honest and brave as they come to acknowledge where they have gone wrong and work hard to change. Yesterday, I got to sit an a group where they confront one another and hold eachother accountable for their actions. It is done in a way to help them, not condemn, but because they are concerned. They ran the whole thing by themselves, each taking responsibility for talking to each other and encouraging one another. It was incredible. They live in community. And its beautiful. I sit and listen to them talk, and it makes me more aware of my own feelings, hurts, struggles. Lies I believe about myself. Lies I believe in general. So I am being changed so much as well. They are awesome kids. They make me smile and encourage me a lot. I feel so blessed to be able to spend time with them.

And they are hungry for the truth. Yesterday some of them were talking about wanting to go to church on the weekends. Sometimes they get to go to the movies, or a sporting event like football or soccer games. But four or five of them talked about wanting to go to church. And only about a third of the kids were in the room talking about it and I am sure there are more. They wouldn't be forced to go by any means, but if they want to, why can't they? I actually think someone on staff already asked to take them, and got a no. Not exactly sure why, but it is definitely something I would want to look more into and ask about. But it was so encouraging to hear them wanting that, to know that Christ is at work. He is faithful and is the One who works and moves and draws people to Himself.

I've been humbled by my time at my internship so far, and I praise Jesus! And I pray that He would continue to humble me and allow me to see who I am and who He is, and how that all fits together. I keep being drawn back to the gospel, to my need for a Savior, forgiveness, mercy, grace. I have become aware more and more of my pride and inability to please God or stay away from sin. I am broken. That is how I began my journal yesterday morning because I am. But I love it. Because there is beauty in the brokenness because my hope is in Christ, and His grace covers me. And His love never changes, and I just want people to know that. In everything I do, I want to know Christ more, and to make Him known - to make His deep, unfathomable, unstoppable, constant and never failing love known. We are loved, and there is nothing we can do to earn it, nor anything we could do to lose it. I just pray that we would come to know it more and more.

To know Christ. I've been thinking a lot about the words of Paul in Philippians 3:7-11. "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." That is what I want my life to be about. Amen.

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